Hello my sweet friends who are choosing to read about our journey navigating infertility. Last we were able to update you all, was in April 2023. I would like to give a little recap, incase you’ve forgotten where we left off.
March 2023 I had a hysterocopy, uterus looked great, had a small infection, began a month course of antibiotics and was still in prep month for Transfer in April 2023. April 7th, we found another cyst, which was producing estrogen, we were then delayed. Next Baseline appointment was May 12th.
ALOT happened between April 7th and May 12th.
Now, that I’ve caught you up, we can continue; April and May were whirlwind months, a lot of hurry up and waits occurred. Since we were now delayed for another month, we continued a long course of birth control in hopes of allowing the cyst to drain naturally. I then had another scheduled Hysteroscopy on May 1st, this again showed that my uterus was looking great and thankfully also that the antibiotics worked and my small infection was gone. We were on track again for transfer protocol to begin. May 12th, I went in for baseline bloodwork and ultrasound and wouldn’t you know it, we had another cyst or potentially the same one as before. This time we decided to medically drain the cyst and continue on with transfer prep, I had my cyst aspirated on May 17th. I went back for bloodwork and ultrasound on May 24th, the cyst’s had been drained, the sack was still visible and although my estrogen levels had also fallen from my original bloodwork , we still could not move forward until all of the reminents of the cyst were no longer visible.
While waiting for the cyst to fully dissolve, we were also waiting for my body to begin a period. The starting of a period signified we could began our next step-transfer protocol. The nurse(s) had expected me to have already begun a period by this point, but my body had other plans. I had “break through” bleeding a few weeks prior, while on this birth control regime, which is essentially a period while using birth control, which is fairly common. So now we were waiting for my body to tell us, the time was right to begin.
I prayed that night and asked God to show us without a doubt if this is the time we should be transferring our embryo. I asked him to give us evidence either way, whether we needed to continue to wait or to give undeniable evidence this was the right time to transfer and carry our double rainbow baby. The very next day(May 25th), I started to feel cramps and began my long-awaited period. Now, that meant I went right back to baseline bloodwork and ultrasound again the next day. At this point I was super hopeful but also very realistic, if we saw a cyst, we waited, if not we continued on. At the ultrasound we confirmed the cyst sack was gone, my hormone levels looked beautiful and we were officially green lit to begin our transfer month. I am almost 100% positive my nurse and I highfived mid ultrasound(if you know wanda, you understand how much funnier this is) that we had finally reached this point.
Please know from here on out, what I will be sharing might be triggering for any walking in their ttc and/or pregancy journey. Please guard your heart and close this blog if you are finding this triggering for your mental health.
Transfer month began immediately, on May 26th. Transfer protocol for me, will look different than what it could look like for you. For that reason I am not including the medications or injections we were instructed to use. Each doctor has their reasons/evidence for why they choose what they choose for you. During this time, I was continuing to be monitored by my amazing nurse team at IVF MI, these appointment were to check the lining of my uterus and hormone levels. On June 5th, my uterus was measured and determined the current protocol was working perfectly for me and my lining was thickening like they want to see. June 8th, I met with my RE, he gives the final green light for the next step in transfer and ensures your lining is where he likes it to be. I am happy to report during this appointment I was told my lining was perfect and juicy, ready to accept an embryo.
We were told our transfer date would be June 14th 2023. Reality was sinking in, usually I am the more positive optimist one within my marriage, for the first time my husband was the overly positive one and I was terrified. Everything we had been working towards was about to be shown to either work, or not, we either would find out at the end of the month if our little double rainbow was on their way or wasn’t. Up until this point, we knew we had been able to get pregant and also hold a pregancy, our issue was always my tubes, which were now no longer an issue. But still, knowing all we had been working for, over the last few years was about to either come true or be a new learning step in our journey is an incredibly scary place it be. At this point I tried to keep reminding myself, "just surrender to the process and also to get out of my own way. "
The Morning Of Our Transfer
We got to the OR, my husband got to come in with me, up until this point he had not been allowed to be in the OR with me. So, at transfer you are told to come with a full bladder, which I did and heard this is the worst part, holding it and waiting to be called back. We were brought into the prep area, we had barely changed into our gowns, and I was being given my valium to relax my mind and body and getting my blood drawn and we were whisked back to the room where the procedure was occurring. The nursing staff, embryologist and my RE were all amazing, I felt like it was so incredibly quick, It didn't really allow for any stress to occur, that also might have been the valium speaking for me as well. After the procedure, I was instructed to go home and be a couch potato, only up to eat and use the restroom for 24hr-and I did just that.
Now we were in the grueling two week wait, I’ve seen other women in this community start early testing for pregnancy, I knew for me, this would cause me more anxiety than happiness. I waited until the day before my IVF pregnancy bloodwork to test at home(11days post transfer), I wanted to know before walking into the office, how to brace myself. The night before my husband told me to just wake him up, I am a notorious early morning tester. I tested at like 5am or something absurdly early, I sat in the bathroom shaking, I took an early response test and it came back positive. We were officially pregnant, not with an ectopic, but with our double rainbow miracle baby.
Reflecting back now, I can identify when I believe implantation occurred, I thought I had eaten something that made my stomach hurt, well turns out it was implantation. I felt lots of the symptoms the first part of my wait, which honestly made me more anxious the second part of the wait, because I felt "normal". I reminded myself durning that time PUPO, I am pregnant until proven otherwise, stay in the moment, hold hope.
From that morning on June 25th until present day, we have had multiple scans, bloodwork appointments and beautiful news that our sweet baby GIRL is growing exactly as she should be. I cannot lie, those early appointments were grueling, the anxiety and worry, along with going back to my OB office for the first time forced me to accept some big emotions connected to our previous negative scans there. Pregnancy after loss is a totally new beast than we have expereinced before.
We are currently almost through the second trimester, this fact still blows my mind, I feel her kicking constantly, I still have anxiety at times and I try to remind myself, all is well, you asked God for blaring evidence on how this was going to go, and you continue to be shown at each appointment how well she is doing.
We are over the moon for our joy and of my bodys' ability to carry and grow our little double rainbow, she is due in the early spring and as we are celebrating this milestone for us, our hearts are with all the couples still in the struggle. We know what you are feeling, we have been in your shoes, we can relate. Each experience is incredibly unique, painful and beautiful in their own way. I hope that you can continue to hold hope, or let me hold the hope for you that on the other side of this painstaking journey, beauty waits for you.
If you are currently in this season of life, trying to navigate, feeling alone, I promise you, you are not alone. I share this all so you don’t have too, but so you can also feel seen. I am here to help and support in any way I can. Please feel free to send me emails, schedule a session, send me a DM on Instagram. I have found power in sharing my story along with vulnerability. Every person’s journey is different and neither is easier, harder, better or worse, we are all just trying to survive on this path of infertility to one day have a family.
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